So Not a Cook

For whatever reason, my artistic skills do not extend into the kitchen; I am, admittedly, not a cook.  I try, god knows, I try.  I read the recipe, I gather my materials, I measure precisely -- and I fail, even on the most simple things.    For example:  We use 100% pumpkin as an additive to our dog's meals, but because we had inadvertently purchased a can of pie mix, it sat on the shelf for a few months.  The cool weather this week prompted a cupboard clean out and I was, despite my low success rate, determined to make Phil a pumpkin pie.

I wish this was a picture of MY pie; it isn't.

Of course I don't make crusts, although many of my dearest friends will laugh as they are so skilled at these minimal kitchen basics.  However, I did have a package which called for only water.  Aha!  This even I can do, I thought.  To make a 1/2 portion for a single crust, I opened the package and measured precisely the amount called for.  Next the water.  Sounds so simple, right.  The receipe (of two modest ingredients) called for 2 Tablespoons of water, and 2 Teaspoons of water.  Somewhere in the back of the drawer (not used in 18 months) was my set of measuring spoons.  As little as I do know, I know very cold water is better, so I pulled out the water from the refrigerator and began to measure.  As I am doing so, however, I notice that the "surface tension" of the water in the spoons makes a difference!   So, rather than a heaping T and t spoon, I anxiously adjust it to "level."

Of course I have already preheated the oven to 425 for 15 minutes while I am doing the "easy" part.  That is mixing the two ingredients, water and crust mix....except it is supposed to make one crust, right?  I roll and I roll, the sticky mixture getting stuck on the pie roller (my grandmother's and she would be mortified at my attempt.)  The pie crust mix sticks to the surface on which I am rolling it, and no matter how thin I manage to get it, it is not even close to being big enough to cover the glass pie dish.  When I manage to finally get it pretty close to size, getting it off the surface is a disaster as it tears or sticks, but I do not give up, and finally with some patches, I get it into the pie pan.  (Whew)
 
Determined, I move on.  Next step: Mixing the pie mix with the can of condensed milk and two eggs.  Surely I can do this, I sigh.  And yes, this appears to be within the scope of my skill and I after mixing the three ingredients I am ready to pour it into my patchwork crust....except there is WAY too much.  Figuring that my crust will probably be a mess anyway, I decide to simply pour the balance into a glass bowl and bake it as a serving of a custard, which, now that I think of it I could have done in the first place.

Finally, of course, since all I use is our modest (but adequate) toaster oven, I have to bake them one after another.  I have yet to even use the "big oven" we have; instead, it serves as a cupboard to house the pots and pans for which there is no additional shelf space.  Addressing the mess of the kitchen counter, and accompanying bowls and measuring cups and slopped ingredients is the final step.  In my own defense, I must include the intuitive addition of some cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice.  Without these the pie would have been much less interesting.

I shake my head at myself and laugh.  I think it is really good for me to have an area in my life where I feels such inadequacy.  However, while the pie (and custard) are baking I will return to my yard and garden where I can hold my head high and point to amazing accomplishments.